Source: # The Grandfather Who Stopped Coming to the Table *Raghunath Kulkarni, seventy-one, used to be the loudest voice at the family dinner in Nashik. He argued about cricket, teased his grandchildren and told the same jokes every Sunday. Over about a year, he grew quiet. He s…* Raghunath Kulkarni, seventy-one, used to be the loudest voice at the family dinner in Nashik. He argued about cricket, teased his grandchildren and told the same jokes every Sunday. Over about a year, he grew quiet. He sat in his chair with the television on very loudly, and when guests came he went to his room. His daughter Vandana first thought he was sulking, or that age was making him gloomy. Then she noticed small things. He said 'what?' often, answered questions that had not been asked, and stopped answering the phone. One evening she saw him smile politely at a conversation he clearly could not follow, and her heart sank. He had not lost interest in the family. He could no longer hear them. With some gentle coaxing, she took him to an ear specialist. The tests showed that the tiny hair cells in his inner ear, which pick up different pitches, had worn down with age. He was fitted with hearing aids and was patient with the first awkward weeks when everything sounded too sharp. A month later, he was back at the table, correcting his grandson's cricket facts. The low mood that had settled on him lifted with the conversation. Vandana later said the hardest part was realising she had been reading a body problem as a character change. ### How to recognise it - Withdrawal from conversation, parties or phone calls that used to be enjoyable. - Asking people to repeat things, turning the television up, or giving answers that do not fit the question. - Irritability, sadness or tiredness that builds slowly over months, often after a long day of straining to listen. - Ringing or buzzing in the ears (tinnitus), which can go with low mood or worry. - Family starting to say the person is 'difficult', 'forgetful' or 'depressed' when hearing may be the first thing to check. ### What this story explains Hearing loss can quietly cause isolation, low mood and even look like memory decline, as the chapter describes under the hearing section. Checking the sense organ first can change the whole picture. ### Probable root causes - Age-related wear of the hair cells in the inner ear (cochlea). - Long exposure to loud noise, ear infections or earwax build-up. - Embarrassment, which makes people hide the problem and avoid company. - Social isolation that then feeds low mood and may speed up thinking and memory problems. ### What to do 1. Notice the pattern and speak kindly about it in private, not in front of guests. 2. Arrange a hearing test with a qualified ear specialist or audiologist. 3. If a device is advised, help with the adjustment period and encourage daily use. 4. Include the person in conversations by facing them, speaking clearly and reducing background noise. 5. If low mood, worry or memory complaints continue even after hearing is corrected, arrange a general health and mental health check. ### Whom to consult - Family doctor or ear, nose and throat specialist first, as soon as hearing difficulty is noticed. - Audiologist for a proper hearing test and, if needed, hearing aids. - Psychiatrist or counsellor if sadness, hopelessness or withdrawal continue beyond a few weeks after hearing is treated. - Neurologist or memory clinic if memory problems persist or worsen. ### Do and don’t **Do** | **Don’t** | Do face the person and speak slowly and clearly. | Don't shout or exaggerate your mouth movements. | Do reduce background noise before talking. | Don't say 'never mind, it wasn't important'. | Do check hearing before assuming moodiness or memory loss. | Don't joke about their deafness. | Do keep including them in family events. | Don't speak about them as if they are not present. | Do be patient with new hearing devices. | Don't delay a test because 'it is just age'. | ### How to behave and communicate - Use a calm, warm tone: 'Papa, I miss talking with you. Would you come with me to have your ears checked?' - Get their attention first by a light touch or by saying their name before you speak. - Repeat in different words rather than the same sentence louder. - Listen for the feelings behind the withdrawal, such as shame or loneliness, and name them kindly. - Share what you have noticed without blame: 'I think you have been missing a lot of what we say.' 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